Researchers completed a study that looked at 112 Midwestern families with kids who were four years old, and completed another round of the study four years later. They found that when fathers played with their children more, co-paternal relationships tended to be warm and cooperative. However, when the fathers were involved in taking care of the child, tensions were higher between the parents:
"But when dads reported more frequent involvement in caregiving — supervising baths, helping kids brush their teeth, preparing meals — the parents’ relationship a year after the first assessment was not as good. They were more likely to undermine each other’s parenting edicts and more apt to engage in verbal tug-of-war, with Dad saying, Let’s do it this way, and Mom saying, Let’s not."
The article goes on to say that though times are changing and couples are trying to do an equal amount of work raising their children, it's actually causing quite a bit of animosity between the parents.These disagreements are not just small quarrels, but lead to marital dissatisfaction and then divorce.
Two questions arose, for me, while reading this article. First, why the tension? Are the mothers just "power-hungry" and convinced that because women are traditionally the ones to raise the kids, they are inherently better at it? Are they simply responding to traditional gender roles, and rightly dong so?
Then, I wonder if this effort to share all the tasks of raising a child equally is causing so conflict, are we right to shoot for it? If these early tensions can cause serious marital difficulties, why not just let the women take more responsibility in raising the child?
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Interesting post! Check this site on Equally Shared Parenting: http://equallysharedparenting.com/. They're all in favor of it, obviously, but I'm not sure I'm convinced. It sounds like it involves a lot of math.
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