Are Leader-Wives Possible?

Self definition for most married women tends to involve their husbands in some way, the man’s position often providing a focal point around which the women’s life pivots. Many women demurely accept a position under or behind their husbands, while others struggle to remain independent in a partnership. More challenging, and thusly more rare, are women who not only step out from behind their husbands but take leadership roles in their communities or workplaces. Women across the globe are facing this struggle and some are overcoming it beautifully, two women who are doing just that are Connie Shultz and Saima Muhammad.

For many women, Connie Shultz’s title of “Senator’s Wife” is title enough, but for Ms. Shultz it is only a piece of her life. Ms. Shultz is an accomplished author, syndicated columnist and Pulitzer Prize winner, as well as a mother and activist. For many women her life would be considered successful, in terms of career and family, yet it seems more exceptional because of her husband’s power. Certainly the trend of political wives taking a backseat is not unique to the United States, strong but silent spouses are ubiquitous globally. Yet Ms. Shultz pursued an independent career, branching out from her husband’s. Not to belittle her accomplishments, but it is interesting to consider how much more impressive her accomplishments seem because she did so with a powerful husband. It speaks to the strength of our cultural expectations of women with powerful husbands that when their wives succeed, especially as leaders, independently we up the praise considerably. It is comforting to think that wives like Ms. Shultz will become the norm, that in the future a husband’s power will not define his wife’s independent success, but there is no guarantee.

Across the globe in P Lahore, Pakistan lives Saima Muhammad, a woman who’s life is simultaneously similar and vastly different form Ms. Shultz’s. Mrs. Muhammad spent the beginning of her marriage as broken and submissive a wife as possible; she was beaten daily and lived by the will f her husband and his family. Clearly she had no power despite her husband’s own relative lack of power in society. Mrs. Muhammad turned her life around with the help of a loan and the success of her own embroidery business. Against local pushback Mrs. Muhammad turned the single-person startup into a thriving business that employed numerous local women. With her own success came a life away from her husband. Mrs. Muhammad no longer lives at the beck and call of her husband, though she still respects the idea of an obedient wife, and she has become an independent and successful businesswoman. Like Mrs. Shultz, Mrs. Muhammad is undoubtedly successful, but her accomplishments are elevated because of the contrast of her previous state as an invisible wife. Mrs. Muhammad was able to gain leadership in her community, but hers is currently an exceptional story, not a universal one.

Women have proven countless times that they can lead successful independent lives, pursue accomplished careers, and lead others capably, yet only a minority does so. Women fail to break away from their husbands’ shadow and seek out power en mass. It is possible and it has been done, but their remains deficiency of women who succeed in balance family and work and gaining power at every level.